I Crossed an Ocean…

Yes, I have that itch to travel again. With every coin or bill that I place in the travel jar, I dare to dream. My thought process is really quite rudimentary. I’m dying to indulge in olives, wine, Spanish music and art. Then there’s Italy and people who can graciously accommodate me by speaking English with an Italian accent. And then there’s the food.. My GOD, the food! Not to mention the people speaking Italian while they serve me in restaurants. The land of my hero, da Vinci. The drive to Positano. Italian futbol… Artistry!

Just what is a girl to do? Well, I’m in no rush to decide.

On a Saturday she threw words and prayers out to the clouds and wondered if they would be heard. Monday morning brought her a miracle. A ghost appeared, and whispered “open your eyes.” And, so she did. The picture of a shadow brought her tears, then brought her calm. A bitter, bitter blessing.

She dared to look again, but her ghost was gone once more. Gone without a trace. OK… This is just life. No matter what she could ever think to say, she knows it will just sound crazy… and, she’s not. She was just someone who cared too much. So she said goodbye, and stopped looking for the one who cared too little.

I think this just might be the most beautiful thing ever written…

 “In a sea of people, my eyes will always search for you.”

My story continues
I’m not a woman who needs a destination

With time
With spirit
With the smile I once wore for him

I move
The way I know how

They sat at the bar, with drinks in hand. He made her laugh as they talked about life, and nothing of great importance. The violins and squeeze boxes strummed music that lit her soul. She felt vibrant and comfortable and truly happy to be sitting there… It showed. 

Be someone to somebody. Don’t fail yourself by failing to let the people you keep close around you know that they “fit” in your world. And, when it’s time for the next chapter… be memorable, be remarkable… Be You.

I gave all that I could give. Everything I had, inside and out. Though I have nothing left, I have no regrets, and nothing to be sorry about.

Today I want to share this song from Amanda Marshall – Beautiful Goodbye…

True forgiveness is not easy to give. 
She explained this over and over and over again.
The words flowed from her mouth as though it was a chant, a prayer. 
It was her song, and she had sung it for years.

She had for so long embraced the shallowness of her reasoning.
Hardly ever questioning the correctness of her actions.
It gave her bearing, and a sense of moving forward.
Though she never did get far, bruising others along the way.

Alone with her reflection she saw in her own eyes that the forgiveness she had to give was not intended for anyone else, it was for herself.
She had lost faith in her own promise and purpose.
When she turned to the window, there was no angel looking back at her.
She was alone with her weakness.

The moment was a revelation.
The feeling that pressed into her was the beginning of her penance.
The reluctant understanding of what it meant felt like the first step forward she had taken in years. 

Forgiveness is the first step in building up faith in her own promise. 

Yesterday I took my daughter and her friends to the Air and Space Museum. As I was driving the girls, I was listening to her sing and chat with her friends. At one point I caught a glimpse of her in the rearview mirror. I saw my daughter’s beautiful little face look up at me. Surrounded by her friends, I was taken by how much younger she looks compared to them. But, as she sat among her peers, I could also see her no longer my little baby girl. She is on the cusp of morphing into a young girl, one that will eventually be less interested in hanging with dear old mom. No more small clothes. No more small shoes. No more letting mom brush her hair, or spontaneous “I love you mommy” moments with hugs around my waist.

I’m kind of a wreck thinking about it. I’m feeling more than a little sad about losing that precious little girl to time. I’m sure every mom has moments like this. I’m sure I’m just being silly. It’s just that the glance in the mirror was almost a snapshot into the future, and I was surprised how it snuck up on me.

 Please GOD, Lead me to happiness and new strength

Take my worries, wash them away with smiles

I lie to myself. I steal my own chance to be happy. Why do I base my own happiness on the actions, or words, or intentions of someone else? When will I learn that my happiness starts with me, and ends with me? All the rest, is icing. I know this. I can even write it. Yet, I can’t seem to fully commit to the notion.

I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes I feel like
I’ve never been nothing but tired
And I’ll be working
Till the day I expire
See sometimes I lay down
But no more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you asked me to

Some days I look down
Afraid, afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
But I hear your sweet voice
Come and then go
Come and then go
Your telling me softly
You love me so