I Crossed an Ocean…

Ignoring the woman until it’s right for you, that never worked for her, did it?
Breaking glass and kicking in doors is not the right way to get her attention
Assuming you know her is where you started to go wrong
She wants to take care of you, and it isn’t right if you don’t take care of her

She’s full of life, and don’t you dare try to drain her of that
She’s smarter than you, accept it
She’s doesn’t need anything from you, so think about why she even let you in her life
Even when she’s bad she’s better than any other woman you ever met – and, deep down you know it

If you think you’re worth it, try to give her what matters most to her.
Don’t let yourself regret not appreciating her sooner.

I want to dance in Paris
I want to drive the Amalfi coastline
I want to celebrate…

I didn’t anticipate the nervousness
Anxiety coarsed through my veins
The heat of my blood as he wrapped me in the warmth of his soul
I knew it was my ghost who was standing beside me… he kept true to his promise to find me

Paralyzed by fear and uncertainty
I was unsteady, unsure of how to be strong
But, my ghost stood there
He waited for me to acknowledge him

I instantly knew
He appeared in my window because he needed me too
He was as lost as I was
He anchored to me, as much as I did to him

Two drifting souls
Unrecognized by the world
Lonely souls
In search of someone who would take care

I lived for so long with a broken spirit
My ghost reminded me that there was a decent woman under the weight of my selfish shame
My ghost followed me room to room, street to street, city to city
Never leaving my side

I faced him
I faced the truth
I faced myself
All while he watched over me

His presence made me feel safe
And I sang
Under his watch I found tranquility
Able, I witnessed the beauty of new land

Night after night he embraced my soul with his perspective
Night after night his voice soothed my loneliness
Night after night he tended to my bruises and healed my scars
Night after night he came back… for me

My ghost stayed true to all the whispers he had filled my ears with for so long before.
Then as our time drew near, he leaned in and asked me to stay
With those words I closed my eyes and fell hard
At that moment, the window he stood in before crashed, and nothing came between us

He gave me a gift…
My angel made me believe that I mattered
I was ready to breath again
I felt my heart whole, not broken
I could give myself again
I felt ready

My ghost is a friend
I will be his
I will never leave him behind
Not for a single day in this life of mine

I am listening to the city, learning new chords
I take in the cold air, I can hear my heart as I walk down its streets
So many feelings, visions, tastes, sounds, smells
They are all reasons why I feel my walls tumbling, crumbling
Tonight, I will celebrate so many people that have painted colors in my life
Some vibrant in tone, others coated me with texture
But tonight, here in Dublin… the color is not blue
Tonight, I walk towards a brighter place

We all walk this world alone… yearning for energy
Always searching for something… that makes you permanent
Looking or holding onto someone special… to account your life to
Always starving for verve… to feed your soul

I am reminded tonight that blue is just a part of the color spectrum of the life cycle…

The days are dragging as I get closer to my destination
I can’t sleep
Nervous… yeah, nervous
But I can’t stop smiling

I’ve kicked into high gear again (love that feeling)
I am focused on the date
I’m waiting for big moves, things to happen
I’m poised, predisposed for the unexpected

This will be my latest and possibly my greatest escapade
I plan to remember this one for all my days
I will abandon my tired everyday perspective, hopefully for good
I will take a new stance in a new city, a different country

This is exactly what I need
I know it
I embrace it
I am counting the minutes

Never at my will, always at his
I throw words out to the endless universe
When its hard to be alone
When its dark and I need laughter

Sometimes the universe speaks back
But when I need company most
I always find myself sitting alone, in silence
Wondering why, and how to fix it

I’m crushing…
Happy, Sad, Loving, Lonely
Is there a super hero for me?
Can he chase my blue away?

I need to reel it back, because the reality is dreams are just that
There are no super heroes looking for me
There is only me, myself, and I
And the one I need to stay put together for

But, he’s an image I never want to lose
A soothing kind voice I want to hear
When I close my eyes softly he says to me, “I love u”
I don’t know if its real, but I want to trust it

I can hear him as if he was standing behind me
Whispering the words with care over my shoulder, in my ear
Wrapping me in warmth
Just the way I want, because I feel stronger when I don’t feel alone

And then I remember… “God loves a try’er” he whispered
So I get up, I dust off of the blue
I smile
and I live another day

So many reasons to stay

If dishonesty is the norm and not the exception

I will take my faith to Dublin – where my ghost is whispering I will find the next part of my story.


“They say mother earth is breathing
With each wave that finds the shore
Her soul rises in the evening
For to open twilight’s door
Her eyes are the stars in heaven
Watching o’er us all the while
And her heart it is in Ireland
Deep within the Emerald Isle”


–Ireland, by Garth Brooks

I stood on the Atlantic’s edge and watched the ocean’s foam stretch to touch me
It was seductive
My feet sank deep into the black lava sand
But then disappeared under the pounding waves, reminding me I am… erasable

A natural arch defined the vista to my left in the distance
The worlds newest islands were visible to my far right
Amazing topography forced a lungful of air at every turn
I felt bitter pleasure to absorb the beauty of this island alone

A seal danced for my enjoyment in the peaks of the ocean, amusing me 
She popped up and stared at me as I sipped champagne from the bottle
I toasted the beauty I witnessed in this land
I felt exhilaration as the cold water misted my hair, my skin
Baptizing me as if mother earth was reminding me that this is just the beginning

I stared out into the water that reaches uninterrupted to Antarctica, the other end of the world
I let out a yell that was smothered by the sound of the waves
My body felt tingles with the release
I felt the distinct richness of simplicity in this place
And I reveled in it

I thanked my higher power for the moment, the experience
I will return to this place, and I will share it

Music filled my ears, and I sang old songs I never heard before
Smiles appeared on my face that shortly before had displayed the deep sadness I can’t shake
Amazing how the transformation takes place so quickly
All it takes is believing that the ghost that stands behind me cares

Will the emerald shores be the place I feel home?
Will a walk in the cold Dublin rain wash me of my sins?
Or will a sit by the fireside melt away this cold I feel?
I will trust the ghost that wants to hold my hand as I witness the story of me

I will go, though I am scared
But I may also find what is missing
Something that may fill my gaps
Maybe my ghost will lead me to someplace new, someplace my spirit will find peace

Funny, Goofball, Sorry, Interested
“Ceiling Fan,” Sheer, Greedy, Bossy
Uniform, Red, Dishonesty, Used, Flash
Always, Tease, Goodbye
Hurt… really, really hurt

Uncomfortable, Smile, Bella, Wow, Ciao

Young, Kind, Handsome
Confused, Pissed, Add, Delete
Motorcycle, Humanities, Spirited
Baci, Washing Machine, In Sogno

Humble, Honest, Conversation, Company, Tea
Relaxing, Scared, Window, Kind
Smiles, Smiles, Smiles, Uncontrollable Smiles
Airport, Stew, Jersey, Saints, Angel
Friend, Confidant… Grateful, Thankful
“God loves a try’er” 🙂 …..   (I freaking love that saying)

Dreamt of Dublin last night. Though I have never been, I pictured myself in a pub, sitting at the corner of a bar, watching the people come in and out. Listening to laughter, and realizing I too was smiling.

I believe Ireland is calling me, and I can’t wait to find out what’s waiting for me there.

Over the last couple of days I experienced what Ansel Adams tried to make us understand through his lens. There are no words to describe the beauty of the grandest temple of nature known to us as Yosemite. It was an absorption of energy, leaving me with no room whatsoever for doubt that there is a higher power we should all fall to our knees for. I walked the paths beneath the stars, breathed air so clean and crisp my lungs felt the difference, and I dipped my feet in its cold raging rivers fed by bountiful waterfalls. The experience of sitting in its quiet completely shocked my spirit.

This place is my church. Here I will worship.

(written on July 5, 2011)

Heard this song on the radio again, and certain verses really are quite strong. The artists are called “One Republic” and the song is called “SECRETS”

“I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

‘Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I’ve said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I’ve been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those years
Sick of all the insincere
I’m gonna give all my secrets away”

The song goes on, but those particular lyrics are just right. After holding so much in for so long, I just want to bleed my honesty. I need to indulge as I look for calm. Ever need someone or something to light your years? Right now, I do. I’m sick of all the insincere. I’m burned from lies and uncalled for half truths. As a result, I have never craved honesty as much as I do at this point in my life. But, as I look around — all over the world — I find there is a culture of lies abounding, and most people drown themselves in it.