She always knew, but appreciated the gesture
A Recognition of Faith
She always knew, but appreciated the gesture

A Creative Outlet for and by, Courtita
solo un sogno, solo un desiderio…
Do you ever think about the way the world has shifted since your youth? I think of the things I miss, like the freedom children had because there was safety found in communities… Well, relative safety. I think about the shortage of cowboys, real men, the kind of men that held a door open for a girl. People used to respect elders and use words like “please,” and “thank you,” because that’s how we were raised, and words like that made things… nicer.
The world has changed. It moves fast. Too fast.
“Come to me,” she said
In an instant he emerged out of thin air
He didn’t know today she was broken, he didn’t seem to care
He came because she asked
Suddenly she was lost in him
A woman challenged by fatiguing years
His steady appearance convinces her that her own youth is yet present
Selfishly living in the moment again, another addictive experience
Her palpable imperfections melt away, and self-inflicted torment turns into strength
He grins, knowing this side of her
“Hello,” has never been crafted into a conversation of careful significance
A fact that once bothered her deeply, quickly washed away by truth
She questioned initial intentions, but realized she was wasting precious energy
Visits over time stepped her unscathed through fields of affliction
There is peace in knowing he’s there, quiet in the background
Predisposed to remain in readiness, awaiting another silent gesture of affection for a friend
An escape, and an understanding
She is grand simply knowing that it is his kind eyes that have the power to carry her doubts away
Un milione di grazie per la tua amicizia…

Knowing I’ve lived a life so full, makes me feel selfish when the blue comes over me. What brought me to this place of doubt?
|
Helplessness took hold
There was nothing to do Nobody to call to ease her worry Her care would go unnoticed She stood in the rain But an exercise of patience did not prepare her for the truth Even with the slowing of his heartbeat Again on the ledge |
It has been awhile, but last night I dreamt of you
I held you in my arms
I smelled your head, and cried from happiness
You came back for me to know you, if only in my dream
And now I know that you really are always with me, and I am always with you
In my mission to counter any form of hebetude, I am thinking Paris… yes, Paris is always a good idea.
Planning on dancing under the Eiffel Tower, walking through the gardens of Versailles, and indulging in some of the greatest works of art.
It is decided. Let the quest for a cheap airline ticket begin!
Ignoring the woman until it’s right for you, that never worked for her, did it?
Breaking glass and kicking in doors is not the right way to get her attention
Assuming you know her is where you started to go wrong
She wants to take care of you, and it isn’t right if you don’t take care of her
She’s full of life, and don’t you dare try to drain her of that
She’s smarter than you, accept it
She’s doesn’t need anything from you, so think about why she even let you in her life
Even when she’s bad she’s better than any other woman you ever met – and, deep down you know it
If you think you’re worth it, try to give her what matters most to her.
Don’t let yourself regret not appreciating her sooner.
I want to dance in Paris
I want to drive the Amalfi coastline
I want to celebrate…
I didn’t anticipate the nervousness
Anxiety coarsed through my veins
The heat of my blood as he wrapped me in the warmth of his soul
I knew it was my ghost who was standing beside me… he kept true to his promise to find me
Paralyzed by fear and uncertainty
I was unsteady, unsure of how to be strong
But, my ghost stood there
He waited for me to acknowledge him
I instantly knew
He appeared in my window because he needed me too
He was as lost as I was
He anchored to me, as much as I did to him
Two drifting souls
Unrecognized by the world
Lonely souls
In search of someone who would take care
I lived for so long with a broken spirit
My ghost reminded me that there was a decent woman under the weight of my selfish shame
My ghost followed me room to room, street to street, city to city
Never leaving my side
I faced him
I faced the truth
I faced myself
All while he watched over me
His presence made me feel safe
And I sang
Under his watch I found tranquility
Able, I witnessed the beauty of new land
Night after night he embraced my soul with his perspective
Night after night his voice soothed my loneliness
Night after night he tended to my bruises and healed my scars
Night after night he came back… for me
My ghost stayed true to all the whispers he had filled my ears with for so long before.
Then as our time drew near, he leaned in and asked me to stay
With those words I closed my eyes and fell hard
At that moment, the window he stood in before crashed, and nothing came between us
He gave me a gift…
My angel made me believe that I mattered
I was ready to breath again
I felt my heart whole, not broken
I could give myself again
I felt ready
My ghost is a friend
I will be his
I will never leave him behind
Not for a single day in this life of mine
I am listening to the city, learning new chords
I take in the cold air, I can hear my heart as I walk down its streets
So many feelings, visions, tastes, sounds, smells
They are all reasons why I feel my walls tumbling, crumbling
Tonight, I will celebrate so many people that have painted colors in my life
Some vibrant in tone, others coated me with texture
But tonight, here in Dublin… the color is not blue
Tonight, I walk towards a brighter place
We all walk this world alone… yearning for energy
Always searching for something… that makes you permanent
Looking or holding onto someone special… to account your life to
Always starving for verve… to feed your soul
I am reminded tonight that blue is just a part of the color spectrum of the life cycle…
The days are dragging as I get closer to my destination
I can’t sleep
Nervous… yeah, nervous
But I can’t stop smiling
I’ve kicked into high gear again (love that feeling)
I am focused on the date
I’m waiting for big moves, things to happen
I’m poised, predisposed for the unexpected
This will be my latest and possibly my greatest escapade
I plan to remember this one for all my days
I will abandon my tired everyday perspective, hopefully for good
I will take a new stance in a new city, a different country
This is exactly what I need
I know it
I embrace it
I am counting the minutes
Never at my will, always at his
I throw words out to the endless universe
When its hard to be alone
When its dark and I need laughter
Sometimes the universe speaks back
But when I need company most
I always find myself sitting alone, in silence
Wondering why, and how to fix it
I’m crushing…
Happy, Sad, Loving, Lonely
Is there a super hero for me?
Can he chase my blue away?
I need to reel it back, because the reality is dreams are just that
There are no super heroes looking for me
There is only me, myself, and I
And the one I need to stay put together for
But, he’s an image I never want to lose
A soothing kind voice I want to hear
When I close my eyes softly he says to me, “I love u”
I don’t know if its real, but I want to trust it
I can hear him as if he was standing behind me
Whispering the words with care over my shoulder, in my ear
Wrapping me in warmth
Just the way I want, because I feel stronger when I don’t feel alone
And then I remember… “God loves a try’er” he whispered
So I get up, I dust off of the blue
I smile
and I live another day
So many reasons to stay
If dishonesty is the norm and not the exception
Bruised, battered, my spirit is struggling to face the wind
I hear my ghost, but his voice is distant and tired
I give him my wholehearted belief,
Not because he asked for it, but because I felt happy
But elements are thrown at me, testing my strength of character
I have to move forward
I have to try
How else will I breathe in the full extent of the life I have been given
Its all about now, its all about existing here
Its all about forgiveness…. isn’t it?